You may have heard about a computer bug that will cause the universe to end on January 1, 2000. This is known as the Y2K bug which is short for You're 2 Koncerned. Because of this bug, which affects all known matter (and some anti-matter), every living thing is required to provide every other living thing (and any non-living thing that requests it) a copy of what is known as a Y2K Statement. No one actually knows what a Y2K Statement is, they only know they must obtain one from everyone else. Here is ours:
It is the opinion of the great Dr. DMX, leader and figure head for Doug Fleenor Design, Inc., that the Y2K problem, caused by the roll over to the next century, will be the fear that there will be a problem; which in turn will cause the problem that is feared. A shortage of food will occur due to everyone stocking up on food. The stock market will crash due to everyone thinking the stock market will crash. Sex will no longer be satisfying due to everyone thinking that...well maybe sex won't be affected, but who knows?
The vendors that provide Doug Fleenor Design with their non-electrical components (enclosures, boxes, little-rubber-feet, etc.) have investigated the products provided to Doug Fleenor Design and certified that the aluminum parts will remain aluminum, the cardboard parts will remain cardboard, and the little-rubber-feet will roll over to the year 2000 without any significant abnormalities. It is our opinion, however that these vendors are intentionally lying to protect us from the real truth: That electrons, atoms, molecules, and such have not been tested in the next century so we really don't know if the laws of physics will remain viable.
The electronic components we use are even more questionable. Not only do they rely on the laws of physics, but on magic as well. Both of which may decide, after working tirelessly for 2000 years after the birth of Christ, to go on holiday.
Finely a bit of wisdom from Dr. DMX: If a product doesn't have a computer chip that keeps track of the date, it cannot have the Y2K bug! None of Doug Fleenor Design's products allow you to enter the date, adjust the date, read the date, eat the date, date the date, or do anything else with the date because none of Doug Fleenor Design's products care about the date (in computer lingo: they have no date field). They will go on blissfully working in the year 2000 because they will not know it is the year 2000 (unless you whisper the fact to them through the vent holes).
Doug Fleenor Design will do its part to disrupt the distribution of goods prior to the turn of the century by stocking up on parts that may become scarce. In this way we hope to provide our clients with a continuous supply of our products into the next millennium.
Doug Fleenor Design has succumbed to the Y2K marketing frenzy by purchasing an upgrade to our accounting software that was "designed from the ground up to be Y2K compatible." Some of our less critical software is not Y2K compatible, but we can find other games to play. Dr. Donald Fleenor (Doug's Dad) uses a 6 MHz Victor 9000 computer with a 10 Meg hard drive and 256K of RAM running MS-DOS version 3.1. Its ok though because he never enters the date anyway.